Peter Nguyen
Go Change the World
Life and death
May 6th
Seems like the only place I can ever get restored life is the only place that stores death. I spent the evening at my father’s gravesite praying…
There are days where it feels like the grass is always greener on anyone else’s side but mine. Storms may come and go, but why does it always keep raining? You when it rains, it pours. You pray that you are quickly coming out of a storm and praying harder that it isn’t just beginning.
Pride is probably one of the most fickle emotions I know. When we have it, God humbles us just to show how much He really does hate it. We live in a society that praises confidence, self-promotion, and success. A good friend once told me that pride is the number one way the Devil works in leaders, especially Christians.
I would be prideful if I didn’t say that I don’t struggle with pride. When I receive God’s blessing, sometimes an innocent thought comes to mind that maybe it partly was because of me. Maybe I am the man. Maybe all this success came from my hard work and my faith in the Lord. And when I am in this ultimate high, God can quickly teach me it was not me afterall. That God is the God that giveth and taketh away.
Lord, I realized it’s not about me. It’s about Your Kingdom and Your Will. Help me to learn to praise You in the storms and sunny days. I feel naked and helpless. The harder I try on my own, the quicker I fall to my face. And finally, my pride is swallowed and I cast all my burdens to You. I’ve hit rock bottom and I pray that You cast your shadow over me and protect me. The Devil is mighty, but You are mightier. I know that through the death of Jesus Christ is what gives me new life. Amen.
My Perfectionism Disorder
Dec 14th
What most people would love to have to be more goal-oriented, provide better quality output, or have a higher standard in life, I think over the past year, I have nearly perfected the art of perfectionism. My life is so balanced, so routine, that when I deviate anything elsewise, I get disheartened, uneasy, and strive to be even more perfect. I tend to forget to enjoy the moment and the greater things in life as I’m always striving for something more. I need contentment.
After doing much research, I’ve learned the problems of perfectionism and have slowly seen it seep through in all aspects of my life. I will not get close to many people because I don’t want them to see any of my imperfections. I have not only an unrealistic expectation for myself, but it’s downfall is that I do the same unknowingly for other people, as well. Biblically, perfectionist tend to be more like Pharisees. “You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” (Matthew 23:24) We tend to nit-pick on all the small mistakes of ourselves and others, we most of the time miss the bigger picture altogether.
Although I claim to overcome the fear of failure, but I live my life never wanting to never make any small mistake, which in turn, never sets me up for any failure. Perfectionism is paralyzing. At times we perfectionists are aware that we fight a losing battle. We know that our best efforts can never produce our idealistic dreams. “Even if I’m good at this,” we think, “I may not be very good; I may not be the best.”
Afraid of not winning all the battles, we win none of them. Afraid of not being the very best, we fail to achieve our personal best. Unwilling to put up with life’s frequent imperfections, we experience little of life’s just-as-frequent joys.
I have a problem…there…I finally realized I had one to admit it. But I’m not going to sit there and complain, I’m going to do something about it. Perhaps this is me trying to perfect the imperfections of perfectionisms, but I know what I need to do to overcome this. So, today, I am spending the entire week trying to be imperfect. I have made a “Screw up list” to try and make as many mistakes, get out of my everyday norm, and just live life imperfectly…
Busyness and Brokenness
Apr 15th
I can’t count how many times where there are days that just fly by and everything is going far better than I can imagine. I am in the zone where nothing in the world could possibly go wrong. I am fearless, courageous, hard-working, and everyday hustlin’. And I can work harder than before, and not for my own selfish desires, but for something of greater importance. I can be serving, loving on people, meeting like-minded souls, and furthering His kingdom. So why has this ‘zone’ been some of the most furthest I’ve ever been with God?
Seems like the totality and the wholeness of life is quite the blessing. I mean, I was doing more things to help others than most 24-year-olds, yet, there was still something missing. Then every now and then, something hits me. More than just a little thump on the road, but not necessarily a major storm in the start of a darker season. No matter how long I can get in the ‘zone’, something uncomfortable breaks me apart.
And with this said, brokenness has to be my greatest gift in life. Brokenness comes in all forms. It is never planned or synced. It has no time limit or no color. Brokenness breaks you down. It tears you apart. It crushes your pride and your hidden, fooling narcissism. It brings us back to our sin and makes us human again. There are days where our very own idol is yourself. Far too many to count. In fact, I think most people live each day for themselves. I’ve learned in life that most relationship heartaches aren’t due to the other mates faultiness, rather, an insecure child screaming for more attention and to be loved for their own selfish sake.
I have gone to countless conferences and retreats in my days. Some have really made a lasting life-changing impression in my life. However, there are conferences with far better speakers, worship, and ambiance, where little change in my life has occurred. I would have to say brokenness is the only key factor that plays any role in any life-changing impact. We don’t just wake up one day wanting to change the world just because.
So how do we come back to brokenness everyday? Hmm…I don’t know. I guess I better get back in the zone so I can forget about it quicker.
A new season with new beliefs
Feb 25th
God blesses the humble, the honest, and the passionate.
Anyone can be very creative through the unlimited resources from the Creator.
It’s not how much we get done in a day, rather doing exactly what we are made to do.
Less is more.
Memorable trip in Dallas
Dec 11th
I just got back a 4-day trip to Dallas meeting with Bob Roberts, Jr. and the rest of the Northwood Church team. The trip started Thursday night meeting David Grubbs picking me up at the airport and grabbing dinner with Bob’s son, Ben Roberts. We all headed over to a website launch party on the top of the Dallas Convention Center. The site was called Roov and I got a chance to meet some new folks and the owners of the site.
Friday morning I got the chance to meet the rest of the Northwood and Glocal Ventures team at Northwood Church. Saturday afternoon, Bob picked me up and we spent the afternoon together and then later picked an incredible man who is destined to be the future President of Malawi in 2009. I get the privilege to have a one-on-one dinner with this man of God on Saturday night. We laughed and got the chance to get to know him at a deeper, more personal level. Due to his protection, I can’t disclose his name.
Sunday I went to all three Northwood Sunday services and grab a quick lunch afterwards with Bob’s family and Omar. I believe there will be great synergy with our ministry and theirs. They are on the forefront of making a real impacting all over the world. Their methods are far from mundane or unoriginal, for they are re-shaping the way missionary work has been done in the past few decades. Their progress and effectiveness in the nations they have already reached are not only changing society and the nation, but are all soundly biblical, as well.
If my father was still here today
Apr 11th
Today, marks the day of 12 years since my father’s sudden heart attack right before my eyes. Today, I celebrate 12 years of my father’s time with me here on earth. Today, I honor another 12 years of my life without an earthly father but celebrate those same 12 years with a perfect, Heavenly Father. Today, I’m thankful for 12 years of chosen dependence and another 12 years of unchosen independence. Growing up without a father adds several years to your life or can take away several more. In the crossroads of our life where circumstances you’d never expect hit you harder than you’d ever think, we always have two choices: to grow and gain or to wither and withdraw.
My father was 15 years older than my mother. He was a man that was relentless and fearless. He didn’t speak a lot, but his actions spoke louder than any words could. He was a leader and a fighter. He was a Colonel in the Army to fight for freedom for a nation he loved. He lived a tough life and had a tougher wife. My mom never compromised, nor conformed. She always sacrificed what was right and what was best for the family. Just after my father’s death, she worked two full time jobs over 80 hours a week. She did this while raising 3 kids and being a committed leader in the church. I am thankful to have two incredible, supporting role models.
Although my father is not with me today, his death brought me new life. There isn’t a day where I don’t think about my father. There isn’t a day where I am not inspired to achieve greater goals and to dream bigger dreams because of him. There isn’t a day where I find refuge in trying to add more value in other people’s life. There will never be a day where my father’s death won’t stretch me or inspire me to be better. There will never be a day as hard as it was seeing my father pass right before my eyes.
If my father was still here today, I would probably be living life in a comfortable bubble. I wouldn’t have the courage to be a change agent when needed and I would be limited by my own selfish desires. I would be still working on a lifelong goal to overcome my fears. I would still be a leader, but for the wrong reasons, inspired out of my gain for power, fame, or fortune. I would still be shy and timid. I would have no desire to change the world, for I would think the world revolves around me. Good would mean doing things right, not doing the right things.
To my father who’s looking down from Above, that although I’ve fallen hard many times and have been through even more hardships, I am thankful for you, who gives me strength and courage each day to quickly stand right back up and run even harder. My life would not be the same without you, and would not be the same with, and for this reason, I feel blessed.
Dad, I pray that one day I can live up to whom you always dreamed for me to be…
RIP Phu Quoc Nguyen
Always be in my heart.
4.11.95
Growing into my "man gut"
Feb 22nd
Since I have been back in Tampa, I have been gaining plenty of unnecessary added pounds. The only watching of my weight is looking at a scale and seeing it go up. I remember after track season of my junior year in high school, I lost 10 lbs and weighed 135 lbs. Entering college, I probably weighed around 145 lbs nearing 150. I quickly put on the freshmen 15 and fluctuated around 165-170 lbs pretty much the rest of my college days.
When I meet old high school friends who haven’t seen me in years, they would say that it looked like I worked out a lot. As far as me hitting the gym, that would be a rare occasion. I think just my previous unhealthy, skinny-looking adolescent days made the newer, more meat-on-your-body self look better. I did stay in shape throughout college by playing 10 seasons of intramural football, 4 seasons of basketball, soccer, and softball. But didn’t hit the weights very often at all. Didn’t have enough time. Now that I’m graduated and can’t play competitively, I am out of shape and quickly building what I call a “man gut”…
You know what I’m talking about, the gut every older man has. No more one pack (a four pack was my closest I got). No more abs. No more beach body. I’m not even talking about a beer belly, I’m talking about a man gut. Not quite bad enough where you can’t see your toes. Not quite good enough where you don’t have to suck it up when you’re trying to impress the ladies. I have insisted to myself that I start being active. I think working in front of a computer most of the days with little movement other than occasional bathroom breaks and meetings has turned the once very active Peter into ‘fatty Peter’ (what my friends like to refer to me as now).
I weighed myself just yesterday on my brother’s exact-o scale and it went to an all-time high. Couldn’t believe it, but I was 196.8 lbs! Less than 8 months ago, my brother weighed 185 lbs and I weighed 170 lbs. After shedding lots of weight, he now weighs 155 lbs. Don’t know how he magically transfered his weight onto me, but guess who just started a weekly Monday evening Tennis night with a few of the boys? I’ve accepted the fact that this man gut is not going anywhere and something I’m just going to have to live with. But hopefully my new diet and active plan will be the start of a healthier, leaner Peter with a man-gut lifestyle…
So how many of you out there are fighting your man gut?
Saving the Lost Generation: A Fresh, Spiritual Approach on Building the Next Generation Asian American Church
Jan 5th
Historically, ethnic-speaking, immigrant, first-generation churches in America over the past two centuries has failed to adequately provide for the second generation, which can be coined as the “Lost Generation.” Today, this apparent “Silence Exodus” of the Next Generation Asian American Church is in no way God’s Will to further His Kingdom. The Next Generation of Asian Americans (NextGen) has the potential to not only be the forefront leaders in America for God’s purposes, but be used by God to serve God’s Kingdom overseas in Asia and around the world.
This upcoming generation will be the highest-paid, most-respected professionals and leaders of any other group in America. Who is best to serve God’s Kingdom in Asia than their own people, who already understand their culture, can speak their language, and can provide the necessary means of hope spiritually, resourcefully, and financially? The North American church has been decreasing in membership over the past decades, including the First Generation Asian Church in America (FirstGen), due to lack of purpose and innovation in the church.
God has proclaimed that the church be unified by one body under one God. In order for the emerging Next Generation Asian American Church to thrive for God’s greater purpose and calling, their N.E.E.D.S. must be reciprocated by the First Generation Asian Church in America.
NECESSARY MEANS
- Problem: Since the FirstGen Church primarily only focuses on the FirstGen, there is not enough educational resources or career or vocational positions within the Church structure for NextGen leaders to resourcefully utilize to start to build the NextGen Church.
- Solution: FirstGen needs to preserve and document their resources to pass along to the NextGen, as well as, start to budget and create necessary NextGen ministries in order to create a pathway for NextGen leaders to build the NextGen Church.
ELIMINATE ANY INSECURITIES
- Problem: The Asian culture, in general, has insecurity issues that discourages the future NextGen to full-time service for God’s Kingdom and forces them to pursue safe, professional careers in order to lift up the status of the insecure parent.
- Solution: Through faithful and fervent prayer, FirstGen needs to unlearn insecurity and trust God that He will provide so that it will perpetuate to the NextGen.
ENCOURAGEMENT TO SERVE
- Problem: FirstGen has not been receptive to actively encourage or participate in development of the NextGen Church, thus, creating tension, isolation, and dejection of NextGen leaders, therefore being called rebellious cavaliers against the FirstGen.
- Solution: A spiritual paradigm shift needs to be made so an extended vision by the FirstGen Church will actively encourage, empower, and bless NextGen leaders to lay the building blocks for the NextGen Church.
DISCIPLE THE NEXT GENERATION
- Problem: Due to unknowing emphasis on overwhelming cultural relevance surpassing scriptural or spiritual relevance, the FirstGen Church is not understanding, discipling, or convicting the NextGen to serve as leaders for the NextGen Church.
- Solution: There needs to be a spiritual reformation in creating and nurturing NextGen Church Ministries, Conferences, and Camps that will minister to the NextGen, focusing on being bible-based, English-speaking, and relevant.
SHOW GENEROSITY
- Problem: Since greed has plagued the Asian culture to not only work harder in worldly jobs, but to want bigger worldly treasures, future NextGen leaders are deceived to do the same, and thus horde their financial blessings and spiritual gifts selfishly without giving abundantly to the further God’s Kingdom.
- Solution: The best way to defeat greed is to give generously and abundantly as financial resources to build and support NextGen leaders and to provide necessary startup funding to build the NextGen Church.
Freedom from Greed
Nov 21st
No one ever admits they are greedy. Why is that? They will admit they have an alcohol problem, gambling problem, maybe even domestic abuse problem. But when it comes to money, no one ever openly admit they have a problem.
Is it because it’s socially acceptable? Maybe even a little bit of expected in the professional industry? My pastor brought up the topic this week in church. It opened new light on how much finances and money can lead to just more problems. He thinks it’s the number two problem in Christians, behind lust.
The Bible touches on the subject a lot. You can’t worship God and Money. Go give your stuff away and follow me. You get the picture. My pastor’s solution to greed….BEING GENEROUS.
I would have to agree. I think being generous is liberating and with the right mindset, will help you realize that all of our possessions isn’t even ours in the first place. I would hate to work my whole life for worldly toys and bring none of it up with me. It’s funny how when it comes to spending, we will always make room to buy that nice toy when we don’t even have money (throw it on credit). But when someone else needs a hand, we will always make excuses to how we don’t have enough money.
I think if we save aside a percentage of our income to those who really need it, I think we will make room to give generously. While I’m still young, I’m glad I’ve came to a realization now…
One month to live
Oct 2nd
After nailing my group presentation, my professor gently speaks to the 30 students in our class with tearied eyes and a somewhat anguished face and says, “Most of you guys know that my wife is pretty ill. Well, I have been notified by her doctor that she has between 2 weeks to 2 months to live.” All I could think of is how many different emotions Dr. Radcliffe must be going through and what would I do if that ever happened to me with the one person on earth that I care for the most. How do you show them that you care for them at a time like this? Where would you take them and what would you do in their last days? How can you ease the pain? My prayers go out to his wife, Dr. Radcliffe, and their family.
Dr. Radcliffe’s story definitely keeps me back in check of how precious life is and how many days we take for granted. It helps me reevaluate my day and see how much of it actually serves purpose and what pieces of it can be chipped away. It reinforces to me if I’m actually living life to the fullest. It reminds me of my father who passed away just over 10 years ago, who still gives me the strength to move forward. Fortunately, we have yet another today, but unfortuantely we will never quite reach tomorrow….
SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR DAYS LEFT WERE NUMBERED?